I wonder; am I more worried about being with someone for more than two months or do I really want this thing to work? I think maybe I'm just afraid. We've were talking for months before we actually made it official, but I'm not sure that counts for much. We were both talking to other people, as well. We didn't make it exclusive until November and didn't make it official until December. Then again, its almost February. Its almost been two months. Once March hits, I think my fears will subside and I'll feel more at ease with this relationship.
I'm afraid, however, that I will be extremely uptight until February 25th comes around. And I don't even want that date to come up, because by then I will have had papers due and exams taken. lol. Maybe that will make 2/25 come a lot quicker. I mean, February is next week. Like... 3 days away. I think I can do this. I think I can relax enough not to mess this up.
I don't know how us always spending time together is going to effect everything, though. When I miss her, I'm not sure if its because we spend so much time together and I miss not having her around or because I geniuely miss her presence. These days, it seems like we don't have seperate lives. We never spend a night alone. Sometimes in different places, but always in the same house. It worries me. I know I can be alone, I like to be sometimes, but I know she doesn't. I hate to think of her alone. And that's another thing. Am I only with her because I dn't want her to be alone? She once said that if it weren't for me, she'd move because she has nothing else left here. Am I only with her because we make sense? She's willing to let me live with her, only paying cable and internet - if I want those things - while she pays everything else.
Maybe things will be different once she moves out. Cause I don't feel at home at her place. I don't feel at home at my own place, but at least here I have my things that make it tolerable. But at the place she currently lives, I feel completely unwelcomed. She does, too. Maybe that's why things feel awfully out of place over there, because of that damn bitch. So maybe I will feel better about things completely. All of this complies with time.
So, I guess in a couple months, we'll see.
