Time for me to grow up. Time for me to stop being what I am... and change.
Tonight is my last night in this apartment. Probably my last night with Caitlin. And I need to grow up.
It's time for a change. Its time for me to start over. Basic training in two days. And after that, I graduate and head to AIT. And after that, I go home, pack up and go to... wherever the hell it is I get stationed.
So I think today is as good a day as any to leave the past behind and look forward to the future. I have a good girlfriend and whether we're meant to be together... I'm not sure. But I don't want to sabatoge things. If we don't work, then we don't work but I don't want it to be because I'm causing us not to work. Cause I'm being self-destructive.
I'm starting with the Army. I'm leaving to become a better person. To change from civilian to soldier. Maybe next I should try getting over Morgan. I think 3 months away from her, without direct contact, will help do that. And hopefully Morgan and Rachael will work out there crap and Morgan can actually be happy. Because some people actually do deserve happiness.
And I can work on making my own girl happy. I know I say that she's a big reason why I'm not, but I think that the other factors add on to it more than she does. I love her. We work so well together. And she does make me happy. But if I wasn't so unhappy about work and school and money and cars... then maybe I wouldn't take out my frustration on her. And then maybe we would work better.
So my goal is to get back on track. Completely. I need to fix things. And I need to fix things with my girlfriend.
Job. Money. Car. Place to live. Girlfriend.
Key components of my happiness.
Now all I have to do is achieve them.
