I don't know what to do. Things have gotten so fucked up. No. I fucked things up so badly, driving and driving and thinking its okay. I know its not okay. I'm always preaching about being a good person and making the right decisions and then I turn around and make one of the worst decisions of my life. And now I'm paying for it.
I don't know what I should do about this. With just my lawyer fees, its going to cost me $3500. 1000 of which is already gone. I'm really hoping to just save up the money I will be getting so that when they tell me what my fines and court fees will be that I won't be completely struggling the awy I was the first time I had shit like this to pay for.
I'm so afraid of being that person again. Of being the person I was when I was with Caitlin. The poor person who couldn't afford to even buy food for herself let alone pay for rent and utilities and gas for the car and... anything. I already feel broke and poor and worthliness not being any to afford a car. Or a TV. Or anything I wanted.
And I got so close and lost it so easily.
What do I do??
My mother is struggling so badly. She is borrowing money from her evil bitch sister and her evil ex boyfriend and who knows what else she is doing for money. I want to help. I really want to help. I really want to give her what she needs but I don't trust her. I don't know if she is going to put it towards her bills or drink it away with Hennessy.
I don't know what do to.
I don't know how to make the right decision on what to do.
