I am starting to get really depressed about the state of my love life. Once again, no one quite understand what I'm trying to say when I voice my unhappiness.
"If two people like each other then..." then what exactly?
I am a strong believer that you need to establish a strong and solid friendship with a person if you really want to love them. But my problem is that it usually stops at friendship with them. I do end up loving them but only as a friend, because that's all a person wants from me. Is a friendship.
Why is it wrong to be frustrated by that?
I do want friends. I do love the friends I have. But I am extremely annoyed that my friendships are the only thing sustainable in my life. Why can't I be with someone for more than just a few months? How come I can bend over backwards for a friend but not someone I'm dating? Why can't I date someone that wants me around for more than just a few months? What is so wrong with me that I am not worth loving as a lover but only as a friend??
Why do I have to feel guilt for being this way? For feeling how I feel?
I welcome new friends into my life. I really do. I'm super excited about a possible friendship with Jami. She's awesome and I need awesome folks in my life.
However, why is it the only cool people I can find are the ones in serious relationships with people already? What does that say about me exactly?
I'm trying to look at the bigger picture in my life. I'm trying not to focus so much on the small, mundane shit that occurs in my life (tv shows being the more stupid thing I worry too much about) but what is the bigger picture here? What is the point? Why must I battle depression and loneliness every second of my life? What am I supposed to be learning here?
