2017 is coming to an end and despite all of the bullshit and pain, I am leaving it a totally different person than when I entered it.
I fell in love with the most wonderful man I've ever known and I will always be thankful to 2017 for turning me into the kind of person that can fall in love and be loved by someone like him.
I have no doubt that I love Cayden. I have no doubt that he loves me.
My love for him is not contingent on his love for me.
My love for him just is.
He gives me everything I want without me ever having to ask for it. His attention. His time. His heart. I never want to change him, I just naturally accept him for who he is but without me ever saying anything about monogamy he decided that what we have is real and that he doesn't want to deal with the "fake shit anymore," his words, not mine. I'm not sure what this says about me but having him tell me that he wants to be exclusive (even if it doesn't end up being permanent) just says so much - because people in the past would never even entertain the thought for me.
I don't know how the fuck he's so good at giving me what I need, even when I don't realize that I need it. Even just saying I love you when I need to hear it or I miss you when I need to hear it. He makes me feel seen and accepted and loved. I don't even have to worry with him. There are no red flags with him.
I can't wait for the day when the two of us are together all of the time but until then I will cherish every single moment that I get with him.
I'm so excited to see where we take each other in 2018. I'm so excited to see the kind of people we both become in 2018. I'm so excited to see what we build together as a couple and an individuals.
I'm so excited to experience the kind of love we will have for each other in 2018. To watch it grow. To feel it grow.
We started as casual acquaintances online nearly six years ago (well he says six but I think it was five), then we became friends and then something close to best friends, then crushes and now partners and can't wait to see what 2018 brings the both of us.
