Taylor

So. I'm pretty scared about this. Its only been a few weeks since me and Taylor met and started talking and we've only seen each other once (Dec. 30. 2011) but I like her so much. I'm trying to remind myself to take it slow and not rush things while also trying to appreciate the time we spend because its always the beginning you miss the most. Cause you take it for granted. The nervousness and anxiety of developing feelings for a beautiful girl that drives you wild.

I don't want to push things. I want them to flow naturally but I get so overwhelmed, you know. She is just so amazing and so gorgeous and so confident and it all is just really intimidating. I don't know how to NOT close myself. I just feel myself feeling more for her and I get scared and I don't even know it. Like, I can't control it. I just know get moody and instead of admitting that I want to hear her voice or look into her amazing eyes... I say nothing.

Maybe that is why I start distracting myself when we talk. Why I automatically pull up facebook or a card game. I'm really screwing this up. I need to figure out a way to show her that I care about her. I see now that I can't treat her the way I was treating the other girls. I can't just go all day without talking to her and then send her a few text about nothing and expect her to be okay with that. But I'm not sure how the fuck to show her that I care and how much.

But its a new year, a new beginning and hopefully a new T.J. And if I want to start being brave, I want it to be because of her. For her. Maybe I am trying too hard? Is this trying to hard? Doubts. Ugh. I want to be fearless. I want to open my heart up to her.