I think I just feel like a fucking failure when I end up broke by the end of the month.
This is definitely something that makes me insecure. Which is why I decided to put it on this blog...
Does money equal success? Or maybe the ability to obtain the things I want?
What I really want for this summer is new books to read, a Kindle Fire, a PS3, some cool games that will be about $50 a piece and a bunch of cool hats and summer clothes. Once I go to St. Louis, I won't want to go anywhere or really see anybody. And I can't operate a car on post until February 14th of 2013 which is at least 11 months away from right now so... maybe I will have opportunities to save until then. But... my bonus.. $1300... I just wanted that to be put in a safe place. "For Emergencies Only" place but I'm spending it on everyone else. I feel like such a failure.
I am never going to be able to catch up to my friends who have hundreds maybe thousands of dollars saved up and still pay for bills and stuff without touching it.
I just feel like a failure. I don't know how to fucking do this. I don't know what's worth caring about. I don't know what's worth obtaining. I don't know what's worth anything at all. I feel guilty about buying a $150 Wii but I will blow $2000 on tickets for other people.
I'm sicking of having less than other people. I just want what everyone else has. It took me seven months just to get internet, for petes sake.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Money Problems
So, I know I'm not a bad person but I think I value money too much or not enough or maybe I just use it as a tool to show the people I care just how much I care about them and they just never see that.
Ugh. So, I bought Morgan's ticket to Washington a few days ago. ($275.40 + $11.95 + $21.00 so whatever that equals up to) and I still have to pay for the rental car and gas (To get there, while we're there, to get back and to return) and gas is SO fucking much these days. Plus food while we're there. I'm hoping I don't spend more than $500 for the entire weekend but who knows. I guess I will stop worrying about it once its all said and done but until its gone I'm just going to sulk about it.
In addition, I have to buy a ticket to St. Louis for Tiara's graduation that I hope won't be more than $400. Not to mention, I want my mom and Tamara to be there to, so... who the hell knows how much two plane tickets from LA and a hotel and a rental car is going to cost me. Hopefully, they stay with Maurice and it will just be a rental car that she needs. God, that's going to be like a thousand dollars. Ugh... Some how I have to get Tiara to pay for some of this.
Its my birthday. Why am I spending all of this money?
And then my monthly bills which include but are not limited to:
- $500 Lawyers
- $100 Cell Phone
- $100 Mom
- $57 Installation Free
- $52 Comcast
- $50 Thurston County
- $30 AE Credit Card
- $8 Netflix
Not to mention little things like fast food and groceries. So... That's $897 which I will graciously round up to $900...
I already got paid for the first so that's $702.00, minus the $500 for the lawyers on Monday which equals $200 until the 15th. Then $700 for the second pay check minus the additional bills equals... $300 I might have to hang onto until the next paycheck in May.
So... plus or minus $500 for the ENTIRE month of April that I can hopfully save at least $300 of. So, that'll pay for my plane ticket, hopefully.
I'm paying for Morgan out of my savings. So that's like $700 out of my $1500 I had saved up so... I'll have $800 I'll have to spend on my mom. But after that... that's it. No more money for Mayo.
Then for the month of May!:
- $500 Lawyers
- $102 Cell Phone
- $100 Mom
- $52 Comcast
- $50 Thurston County
- $20 AE Credit Card
- $8 Netflix
Not including fast food and groceries or any other miscellaneous things, that's $829 that I will round up to at least $835... So, $702 on the first of May minus the lawyers thing is $200. So, $200 to last me until the 15th. Then $700 minus the rest of the bills is... $365 until June.
Good thing, however, is that I get to keep $500 of my check after May. So, if I just withdraw that $500 or maybe put it into saving, theoritically I can save up to ($500 times (June through February which is nine months) nine would be...) $4,500 for a new car next year.
But can I really afford a car once I'm able to actually buy one. If my payment is like... $200 a month plus $200 a month for car insurance, plus gas... maybe I can.
Even still, what am I going to do about my mom??
Ugh. So, I bought Morgan's ticket to Washington a few days ago. ($275.40 + $11.95 + $21.00 so whatever that equals up to) and I still have to pay for the rental car and gas (To get there, while we're there, to get back and to return) and gas is SO fucking much these days. Plus food while we're there. I'm hoping I don't spend more than $500 for the entire weekend but who knows. I guess I will stop worrying about it once its all said and done but until its gone I'm just going to sulk about it.
In addition, I have to buy a ticket to St. Louis for Tiara's graduation that I hope won't be more than $400. Not to mention, I want my mom and Tamara to be there to, so... who the hell knows how much two plane tickets from LA and a hotel and a rental car is going to cost me. Hopefully, they stay with Maurice and it will just be a rental car that she needs. God, that's going to be like a thousand dollars. Ugh... Some how I have to get Tiara to pay for some of this.
Its my birthday. Why am I spending all of this money?
And then my monthly bills which include but are not limited to:
- $500 Lawyers
- $100 Cell Phone
- $100 Mom
- $57 Installation Free
- $52 Comcast
- $50 Thurston County
- $30 AE Credit Card
- $8 Netflix
Not to mention little things like fast food and groceries. So... That's $897 which I will graciously round up to $900...
I already got paid for the first so that's $702.00, minus the $500 for the lawyers on Monday which equals $200 until the 15th. Then $700 for the second pay check minus the additional bills equals... $300 I might have to hang onto until the next paycheck in May.
So... plus or minus $500 for the ENTIRE month of April that I can hopfully save at least $300 of. So, that'll pay for my plane ticket, hopefully.
I'm paying for Morgan out of my savings. So that's like $700 out of my $1500 I had saved up so... I'll have $800 I'll have to spend on my mom. But after that... that's it. No more money for Mayo.
Then for the month of May!:
- $500 Lawyers
- $102 Cell Phone
- $100 Mom
- $52 Comcast
- $50 Thurston County
- $20 AE Credit Card
- $8 Netflix
Not including fast food and groceries or any other miscellaneous things, that's $829 that I will round up to at least $835... So, $702 on the first of May minus the lawyers thing is $200. So, $200 to last me until the 15th. Then $700 minus the rest of the bills is... $365 until June.
Good thing, however, is that I get to keep $500 of my check after May. So, if I just withdraw that $500 or maybe put it into saving, theoritically I can save up to ($500 times (June through February which is nine months) nine would be...) $4,500 for a new car next year.
But can I really afford a car once I'm able to actually buy one. If my payment is like... $200 a month plus $200 a month for car insurance, plus gas... maybe I can.
Even still, what am I going to do about my mom??
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)