Failure

I think I just feel like a fucking failure when I end up broke by the end of the month.

This is definitely something that makes me insecure. Which is why I decided to put it on this blog...

Does money equal success? Or maybe the ability to obtain the things I want?

What I really want for this summer is new books to read, a Kindle Fire, a PS3, some cool games that will be about $50 a piece and a bunch of cool hats and summer clothes. Once I go to St. Louis, I won't want to go anywhere or really see anybody. And I can't operate a car on post until February 14th of 2013 which is at least 11 months away from right now so... maybe I will have opportunities to save until then. But... my bonus.. $1300... I just wanted that to be put in a safe place. "For Emergencies Only" place but I'm spending it on everyone else. I feel like such a failure.

I am never going to be able to catch up to my friends who have hundreds maybe thousands of dollars saved up and still pay for bills and stuff without touching it.

I just feel like a failure. I don't know how to fucking do this. I don't know what's worth caring about. I don't know what's worth obtaining. I don't know what's worth anything at all. I feel guilty about buying a $150 Wii but I will blow $2000 on tickets for other people.

I'm sicking of having less than other people. I just want what everyone else has. It took me seven months just to get internet, for petes sake.