My Love.

Cayden, My Love.

Cayden will be here on Wednesday and I cannot wait to have him in my arms again! I have never been as happy with anyone as I have been with this man and I can't wait to start our lives together. He really has become the light in my darkness. Seeing his face never ceases to make me smile and put me at ease.

I know it's going to be challenging living together and learning to navigate the world together when we have so many uncertainties to face but I couldn't imagine tackling life with anyone but him. It's only going on 5 months but it feels as if he has always been mine. 

He's my best friend. My lover. My confidant. My love. He's everything.

Maybe it's naive to say that one person can mean the world to you or even be your world but he really is. For so long I've only been living for myself, my wants, my needs, my desires, my future. But now... I don't know. My life is his. The decisions I make our to ensure both of our happinesses and not just my own. Both of our well-beings and not just my own. I want to make him happy. I want to give him the world. 

I'm so excited to see him on Wednesday that I'm legit getting butterflies just thinking about it! Only three days left! Three days!!

Four Months

We got together on the 17th of December in 2017. It's been four months and my love for him just continues to grow. Typically at this point, I'd be stressing the fuck out, wondering why the person I like doesn't like me the way that I like them or love me the way that I love them or want to spend time with me the way that I want to spent time with them. Instead, I have a wonderful man who loves me as much as I love him. A man who gets enjoyment over seeing me happy. A man who still smiles at me the same way he did when we first met, when we first kissed, when we first had sex. I have a man whose love grows and grows with each passing day. I never get tired of his text or his Skype calls or his voice or his smiles or him in anyway. I have a man that I can see myself marry some day.

It's such a strange thing to find someone who loves you back. Who wants you back. Who doesn't want space but wants to be closer, as close as possible. Who wants to do whatever he can to be with you.

It's been four months and I never find myself wondering "if we could just make it one more month things will get better" or "I wonder if we'll even make it six months, let alone a year." With Cayden, time is going by so fast and instead of things getting worse, they just get better. I don't find myself wishing for things to do back to the way they were because it was so good. Things are just consistently good. Consistently great. Consistently freaking amazing.

Today I got a package in the mail and it was a starter kit for a baby gecko because when he was here I told him that getting a leopard gecko one day would be super cool. And he decided to make it happen! We went to go look at them while he was here but it was going to be so expensive so I said maybe for my birthday instead, and he was just like yep that's what I'm going to get them.

I have a freaking boyfriend who will get me a baby gecko for my birthday!

It's going to be our first baby!

I love him so much.

We're four months in and things just keep getting better and better.

Fingers crossed that he'll be here for my birthday in a week and a half. I can't wait to have that man back in my arms.