You know, I really like to relief on past relationships and try and figure shit out based on them. And I am just reading journals from when I was first dating Caitlin and jeezuz, she made me so insecure. Why was I even interested? I had such a naive sense of relationships, man. She was so unsure about dating me and made me feel so bad. Like I couldn't measure up. Like I had to change to be with her. She mad my angry at myself for not being able to measure up. I was so worried about her being with someone else and sharing herself with someone else, when's that's fucking ridiculous. I wanted things to be easy. And I thought that her making me jealous was a good thing??? I couldn't even figure out why I wanted her. I still don't know why, besides the fact that I just wanted someone who would want me back and who had plans for their life.
And dude, she didn't even like sex. Well, she liked being fucked by me. But she didn't like touching me or going down on me and I am starting to realize how important of a thing that is.
I was so busy trying to find someone that "fit" that I forced it and end up super miserable.
She was always so unsure of me and didn't trust me so... no matter why I was the way that I was. Plus, she was so fucking insecure that it was projected onto me somehow...
I don't know.
Anyhow, I wasn't trying to examine my relationship with Caitlin. I was trying to see how long I start in the euphoria stage, typically.
I figure two months is like my cap, when I usually stop feeling it with a person. I was seeing her around 17 October 2009, thinking of dating her by 14 December 2009 but by 7 March 2010 my thoughts were obsessed with Luckey. I was no longer interested in sleeping with Caitlin, but I constantly wanted to fuck Luckey. So.... there's that, eh? Five months. At least with Caitlin. Two months of talking and three months of actually being in a relationship and I was kind of done. Good to know. By June of that year I was miserable.
With Trey, we started talking about 19 January 2013, by 7 February 2013 she was wondering why we weren't together, around March 2013 we actually got together and by 23 June 2013, I broke up with her. So, how long is that? 6 months? 3-ish months of talking and 3-ish months of dating and I was done. So... wow.
This makes me a little worried. Cause it's going on a month of me and Annie talking. Next week will be a month. It's weird though. I feel like I should be more concerned with her getting bored of me because I'm not sure if I'm going to ever get bored of her. When I'm with her... man, I am revved up.
Only time will tell, though.
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