It happens with every girl I date. Well, every girl that I date that I feel as if there could potentially be something substantial. If I like them - genuinely like them - and feel as if I could one day feel something genuine for them, then it doesn't work out. It just doesn't. Not ever. The only girls who want me are the ones that I have to force feelings for. Caitlin. Kelly. Trey. The ones where feelings don't come naturally. The ones where a future seems possible if I just stick it out and try to care for them. Force a future with them to happen.
They are the ones I end up being with.
But the ones where feelings automatically happen? Where I wake up one day and I'm so into them and I anticipate their presence in my life... it self-destructs.
I don't know why I keep expecting something different when I know how it will end up.
Isn't that a little insane? Or a lot of insane?
I keep hoping that things will change and be different. That if I change and become different that things will be different for me. But I guess no matter how much I change, things will never really be different for me.
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