New Path

Things have kind of been fucked up since I told Morgan I had feelings for her on Thursday. I haven't been calling her as often or talking to her or anything. Hate to say it but maybe I'm a little stung by her rejection. And the fact that she is still talking and hanging out with and caring for Rachael even after every single thing that's happened between them kind of pisses me off. Like okay - you don't like me. Whatever. I will move the hell on. But you're really going to pour everything you have into being... a toy for this girl?

Yet I do all I can for you. Feelings aside, you're my friend and I want the best for you but you don't want the best for yourself? Instead, you want to use me. I feel like I'm going to put a shit ton of time and effort and money into getting Morgan to Washington... and she's just going to crawl back to Joplin for Rachael in the end.

I hate to disappoint people, especially the people in my life - but why am I doing all this? I'm starting to think that maybe I should wait to see how everything goes before I decide to spend all my money on her. Just for her to waste it. Cause she does have a history of wasting my money. And then not giving a damn about it.

If I just knew that Morgan was doing this for a good reason, instead of trying to force Rachael's hand... it would be different. Like I said - I liked her... Liked her... but I will get over that, no sweat. But I can't be used in such a way. I'm better than that.

I know I try to create a path by focusing on females... but that hasn't really worked out for me. Thinking that maybe its time I start down a different path... one that has nothing to do with females or "feelings" that aren't actually real or any of that stuff. When I focus on myself I think I do really good. Its when I focus on females that I get all fucked up. So maybe I just won't do that anymore.