Analyzing

““I love you” means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”

So, it is safe to say that I am so very much in love with Kelly Brown. But there is STILL a part of me that is unsure about this relationship. I wish there was a way to figure out how serious Kelly is about this relationship. I mean, I know how serious she is but there is always the lingering worry in the back of my mind. People start questioning everything and then they make me start questioning." Like maybe she's using you just to move." Doubt it. "Maybe she's seeing her exboyfriend behind your back." Highly doubt that. "Maybe she's really straight and this is just a gay phase for her right now." Ugh. That is actually a real worry of mine. Along with, maybe she will get sick of me one day or realize that I am not what she wants to spend the rest of her life with or that maybe she doesn't love me like she thought she did.

Ugh. All these worries and fears and insecurities. Driving me absolutely nuts. I don't know how to quiet them. I'm thinking maybe I should start devulging my own secrets but you know, no one else knows anything about them. And I think the reason why I have never told anyone is because no one really wants to know. I think that is the sign I've been waiting for all these years. And the reason why I never expected any of those other relationships to ever really work out. No one really wants to know me.

No one wants to know about my writing. No one even wants to read them, let alone talk about what they did or did not like about it. Tell me their opinions or get invested in the story or the characters. No one wants to know why I love superheros so much or which ones I love the most and what about this makes them my favorites. No one ever wants to know me. So why give up any part of myself?