Restless

I'm not sure what triggered this a few days ago but I am extremely restless. I'm just so sad all of a sudden. I mean, I'm always sad. I'm always depressed. There has been a single day for as far back as I can remember that I haven't been depressed. It just so happen that for some reason this week, it is slowly killing me. And I don't want to make the mistake of getting attached to someone due to my vulnerable state.

I know that finding someone worth being with it never going to really happen. I would really love to have someone I can relate to and be with but I know that's never going to happen. I'm not really sure what my issue is exactly.

And I think that's just that issue. Too much opportunities to feel. If I'm not working or sleeping then I am thinking about how tragically alone I really am. And I just need to find something to help myself not think or feel. That also intails working out. I definitely don't feel this way when I'm working out.

I think what's got me all crazy is the interruption of my routine this past week due to the stupid fucking FTX, and also my period. It totally got me off track. I really just need to scrap this last week or whatever. Sleep it off. And then tomorrow I will go to the gym. Run it out. Sweat it out. And attempt to get my life back on track.

Also, have to remember to get up and go to the PX so I can get a gym back and some other stuff. Maybe just shop around a bit. I just need to fucking chill. I guess I'm glad I'm getting out of here on Sunday because Washington is seriously no good for me.