Third Month

So, today is the me and Caitlin's Third Month Anniversary. I really can't believe it. It doesn't feel like it at all. For so long I couldn't even make it to two months, but here I am at three, with her. I'm going to be so amazed for the rest of my life, that I have such a wonderful girlfriend. I really fucked up the other day. I cheated. God, I've never cheated on anyone before in my life. It was just one kiss, that I didn't stop, but I still cheated. I really wish it had been on someone who I didn't even care about, but it wasn't. It was on Caitlin. And she forgave me. The entire day, I apologized and cried and cried and apologized, and finally, towards the end of the night she yelled at me and got pissed but that's it. I thought she was never going to speak to me again. But she did. She came in last night, forgave me and... and I couldn't believe it. She said I was wrong and that I hurt her, but that I'm only human and make mistakes. I don't know if I would've been that cool, man. I feel awful, and she still won't kiss me on the lips. But I guess it counted for something that I told her as soon as I could muster up the courage.

I should've never done it. I should have never even been seeing Luckey the way I was... or at all, for the matter. I knew I still have some kind of feelings for her and that it was wrong. I just didn't put an end to her. I liked the attention, and the fact that she's a stud. Everything else about her, I didn't like at all. With Caitlin, I love absolutely everything about her. How could I do that to her. How. How. How could she just forgive me? How. Damn it. I'm so sorry I did this. I'm never doing it again. I am never putting myself in this situation, ever again. I never want to hurt her. I can see she's lost some faith in me. That she's still hurt and betrayed. I have to make this up to her, but I do not have a clue how.

I'm just so fucking sorry. I really hate myself for making such a mistake. Of all the times to do it. I don't care if I was afraid of being committed to someone or afraid that I wasn't living my life. I can't understand why I would be afraid of spending my life with one person, especially if that person is Caitlin. She is the best part of me. Why would I ever want to lose her?

I know I keep saying that I want to be a better person, for me. Well, I'm changing that. I want to be a better girlfriend, for her. Because she deserves someone so much better than me, yet she's deciding to stick with me. To work it out and move on. The least I can do is become someone worthy of her heart. So I will be. For her.