Trey

I know, I'm setting myself for failure by writing about this because the Universe just seriously hates me but I really like to document everything. At least this week keep my focused on something until Santoyo gets back so we can actually talk abut some stuff. So, here goes...

So, I met this person. They messaged me on facebook about a week or two, actually it was probably a month ago. I'm thinking they added me because of some facebook pace I frequent and decided to add me for some reason. So at least, I totally accepted the response because I usually do that when someone is attractive enough. But never really said anything.

Then they started speaking to me. Randomly. Nothing really significant but the conversation flowed easily. Still, didn't pay it much mind. A lot of folks add and/or talk to me because they think I'm good looking. Besides, it said on their profile they were married and I tend to take that seriously no matter how false it may actually be.

So, said person decided to send me a random message about being trans. Now, I've been wondering about transgenderism - not sure it that's a word - for a while and have been adding and speaking with more transman because something about it fascinates me and such. So when this person decided to ask me how I "felt" about the "transgender issue." And my first response was that transmen are fucking awesome, if that's what they're asking.

I mean, Adam Torres fucking kills me how awesome he is.

So, when I gave my possible opinion, said person decided to tell me that they think they are a transgender male. And I said that they should be who they are, but not to jeopardize their livelihood. And ever since then, we've been chatting, sparingly. And then somehow, one conversation led to another and now the conversing has been been a pretty constant, regular thing.

Now, I really didn't think anything would come from us speaking. I want more transgender males are friends because I just find them really cool. So when he told me that he is identifying as trans right now, I was like okay, then I will refer to you in the male pronoun.

Then I gave him my number and we've been texting a lot. Like constantly. And the more I learn about him, the more I like. And the strangest thing is that I think I like who he is, even as a female. Because I saw the girly pics because he has to dress female in order to function in his life without an issue.

This is all sounding very confusing and I'm not explaining it right but he is really freaking cool. Like I said, the more I learn the more I like. And now I'm starting to think this person is pretty near perfect. How is that possible? I don't know. He lives two hours way in a tiny fucking town but its really not bothering me because I"m enjoying just getting to know him. The kind of guy he actually is.

I know I have a tendency to get overly excited about situations like this. See every girl I've ever been interested in. But this is different because he is well, a he for one. Two, he seems to like who I actually am and not just the pictures they see on facebook. But I had to think on the trans things.

Could I date someone who fundamentally a male? I think we all know the answer is yes. I like masculine females. I adore them. And I freaking adore transmen. So, not an issue. How about the distance? Without  a car, its quite depressing. But I should have one soon and I have no problem driving two miles anywhere. Does he like African American females? Yes. Obviously, he started speaking to me first.

So I went through all the usual reasons why I wouldn't date a person and none of those reasons are holding up quite well. Hence, the blog. I feel comfortable enough to know that I like him and he likes me. He has said so several times about liking who I am and showing me to his friends and saying how attractive I am. Lol. I find that cute.

But what is the difference between him and Mellisa, you wonder? I really have no idea. Except, I do. Mellisa was all over me the second we text and just overly excited about talking to me even though I had barely spoken to her. Mellisa didn't have any of her shit together. She apologize for every little thing. She's kind of immature. The only thing she had going for her is the job she has at KFC and she's only 20 and I'm really trying hard not to be judgmental because I was working at DQ and Schnucks at 20. I didn't have my shit together. I had so many issues. Was in the strangest of places mentally and physically. And just a crap ton of other things.

But that is the damn difference. I was 20. I'm 23 now and my shit is in way better order than it was before. And I would just really love someone who also had their shit together. Because I tried that whole trying to settle for someone on a lower level than myself than Kelly and I ended up giving my all also and it backfired big time. So, I just can't go there again.

And Trey is just so different. He has a decent job, doesn't live at home with the rents and it trying to figure himself it. Like he acknowledges that he doesn't quite know but what's to figure it out. I adore that. Someone who is self-aware. I really freaking need that. And he wants to get to know me. Ask questions and had real answers to my questions.

He didn't just pour out all of his issues in one conversation.  And he doesn't just throw out random weird jokes or phrases that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but himself. He isn't trying so hard. Talking to him is like peeling an onion. The more I ask, the more I mean, the closer I get to who he actually is. Instead of him just telling me all this random shit for me to base my opinion on that.

I just feel like Mellisa was way too insecure for me. She didn't actually want me. She just wanted someone, anyone to love her and to not be so alone. I felt like I could be anybody. It's not a really good feeling to have. Plus, the date wasn't the best date I've ever been on and I didn't have any fun with her. I feel as if she was just trying so hard to like me and forced it when I doubt she actually felt anything for me. And her style... I didn't get it. She just threw anything together, had her long hair shoved into a way too big hat. I just like more clean up, more confidence in the clothes. Not just a "Trying to hide my body" type a way.

Now, I know its really not fair to compare two people who are complete opposite or even compare people period but I have to explain why I'm more likely to go for Trey and I was likely to go for Mellisa and why I had to stop being so flirty and such what her. Had to stop leading her on.

And another cool thing about Trey, besides his cool freaking name, is his hair. Short. I adore fucking short hair on anyone. Its fucking hot.

Okay. Now I really need to stop obsessing about him. He is just so cool and I really like who he is. Very feminine personality but masculine and I feel like it would fit well  with who I feel like I am. But - getting ahead of myself again here.

I'm enjoying getting to know him. And I'm enjoying the fact that he anticipates my texts and that it brings a smile to his face. And I'm enjoying the fact that I have no desire to try and "save" him because he's doing a pretty good job of keeping himself together without my help. I like that shit.

I don't want to jinx myself by saying I hope this works out in my favor and what not, because the Universe hates me and what's not but I am looking forward to learning more about this guy.